When it comes to couples considering discernment counseling, often times one partner is “leaning out.” The leaning-out partner is ambivalent or already near a decision to leave. This person often feels relief at saying hard truths out loud and expresses frustration at being pulled into repair work prematurely. The leaning-out role in discernment counseling is to articulate the case for leaving and the case for staying in balanced, specific terms. Vague narratives are common at first. The therapist helps sharpen language and expectations so the decision is based on real possibilities rather than generalized hopelessness.

The other partner in discernment counseling may be “leaning in.” The leaning-in partner wants to preserve and repair the relationship. This person often feels fear, urgency, and a tendency to persuade or promise sweeping change. In discernment counseling, the leaning-in role is to hold hope while acknowledging personal contributions to pain and gridlock. The leaning-in partner also agrees not to pressure or sell during the process. That restraint can be hard. It is also what gives the work credibility and gives the leaning-out partner room to think.

Both partners in discernment counseling contribute information and emotion. Both listen and summarize what they have heard. The goal is not agreement on the past. The goal of discernment counseling is alignment on what to do next, with eyes open to what that choice means for both people.

Are you in need of an established therapist who specializes in discernment counseling? If that is the case, I’m here to help. My practice is dedicated to providing discernment counseling specifically designed for couples facing crises or contemplating divorce. I hold sessions either in person at my office located near Melbourne, Florida, or through telehealth from any location within the state of Florida

In addition to discernment counseling, I offer a variety of therapeutic services, including marriage counseling, therapy for neurodiverse couples and autism couples counseling, treatment for mood disorders, affair recovery, as well as support for individuals and couples dealing with challenges such as life transitions, women’s issues, separation, divorce, and more. Please reach out to me and let’s get started on your path towards healing today!